Marriage: Get A Pressure Release Valve

As-Salaamu alaikum,

This June and July I seem to be doing more weddings than usually.  To the newly weds and maybe to those of us who have been on the journey for sometime I have some advice.  Get a pressure release valve (PRV).

In every relationship things build up.  Issues are unresolved or at least by one of the parties not sufficiently resolved that the feelings fester.  When the two parties talk that can’t seem to agree about what happened, what was the plan, what did we decide or just what should we do now.  You have your opinion and they have theirs.  Who’s right? What’s right? What does our faith tell us to do? What do our values tell us to do?

Two people when disagreeing will have at least two opinions.  The power game gets played and no one is happy and we can’t move forward together.  The Qur’an invites us to find a person that we both have faith in to be fair.

My advice.  Get a pressure release vale.  Not sex, not a vacation or a visit to the spa.  When cooler heads are prevailing and this should be done ideally before you get married, identify someone  (PRV) that you each can call without permission or approval to get their perspective.  This person is you pressure release valve.

You should both agree who they are on the front end.  Choose wisely because they will be needed in the crisis.  These are people for whom their are no secrets, no honor or disgrace, only love, respect and mercy between you.  Keep them near to your family. Maybe they are your imam, pastor or rabbi, respected uncle or auntie in the community and maybe not your parents.

Respecting their authority:  having asked them to serve you in this role their advice should be taken seriously, believing that they have your families collective best interest at heart, whether you agree or disagree.   Sometimes you my feel that their opinion on a matter is bias toward one or the other.  You may not get YOUR way in the short run, in the long run each member of the group will be happier knowing that their is accountability.

If your pressure release vale fails to work.  Then mutually agree to replace them with someone who you feel will serve your relationship not just your side.

Thanks Khalil for being our PRV for over 20 years.

Imam’s Mother Makes World’s Best Macaroni and Cheese

Working on my look

Nii Mensah, from Ghana, is working on my look.  What an Imam concerned about “dunya”?  A few years ago I was a guest on the CNN-Paul Zahn Show.  I was being filmed in the Washington, DC studio and Paula was in NYC.  I came dressed in my uniform-Thawb, Kufi and beard (The international symbols of an Imam) and to top it off I worn one of my best Saudi Arabian Abiya-Black with the heavy gold embroidery.  Usually I get my thawbs in Mecca right off of Abu Sufyan St and always of the highest quality, Duffa Clothiers.  The Kufi purchased in Medina after finishing Hajj from a Nigerian street merchant selling from a very large bag.  My custom, when I arrive in Medina I am looking for those traveling Nigerian salesman to replenish my collection.  I sort through the bag of brightly colored crowns selecting everyone that will fit my big African-American head.  The writer Julius Lester has a theory that African-American have bigger heads than most West Africans because of natural selection during slavery times…..the big headed brothers where the ones caught because we were slower getting out of bed during the slaving raids on the villages. (Really – not funny). After buying my fill of kufis and designer thawbs I head back to America with a new working wardrobe for just a couple of hundred dollars.

Why am I concerned about my look?  Maybe it’s because I represent other people, including African-Americans, other American Muslims and ultimately Americans.  I don’t want Muslims to be disappointed at the frumpy or dowdy dress of their representative especially on TV.  So there I am…..The official Imam Johari….you would think with this effort brothers would be sharing the love.  Not long after I leave the studio I get a call from a brother that I know, love and respect, Dr. Amir Al-Islam.  He said, “Imam you did a great job, but you can’t go out representing us looking like an Arab!”.  I was alittle taken aback but I retorted in my defense that I do my best to look authentic.  He agreed, “Yes, you ARE always authentic”.

From that time I have been lecturing about American Muslim identity and have been struggling with my uniform.  And so I have been on a quest to develop a dress that will cause people to pause before they ask me, ‘What country are you from-originally?” Before speak they will think,  ”Maybe America”.

My Tailor, Nii Mensah

Tailor, Nii Mensah is helping me to work on my look.  I got some designs from one of my former students and the first female MSA president at Howard University, Kamilla Munir.  She has a degree in environmental hygiene and fashion design.  Mensah’s job is to make the concepts work for the new and improved American Imam Johari look.  I went to one masjid to do an event and saw me an my suit and commented on the “Imam Siraj Wahhaj suit”.  I still have work to do to come out from under the shadow of the fashion statements made my Imam, Siraj Wahhaj and the brothers from Imam Muhammad’s community.

I am determined to represent Muslims in American in word, in deed and in fashion.

And for: menhajj@aol.com
http://sjsandteam.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/image_thumb360.png?w=360&h=260

Yes, my favorite food:  Halal Chinese, Thai, Caribbean and Ethiopian and I’m married to an African-American Muslima and my mother makes the best macaroni and cheese in the world.

So, this imam has some “N” in him, but beware not the bring it call it out.  It might not be the “N” your “looking” for……………

Scuba Diving: Roots Barbados

The Visionary and The Insane

Some people are enthusiastic but not organizers.  Organizing requires consistent and persistent relationship building.  It is not easy -

There is a similarity between the visionary and the insane

They both see a vision that other people don’t

There is a difference between the visionary and the insane

If you are a visionary people will eventually see the vision

If you fail to have them see the powerful vision well

people will say you are insane

Only true vision, time, relationship building and persistence will win the day.

May Allah grant us….

Why you should take your family to ISNA Convention: even if you’re local

As-Salaamu alaikum,

I struggle with this on an on-going basis, we are sooooo busy in our work lives, and running from on activity to another with the kids, if you have them, or running from place to place with your social network, that it all seems like work and then……..

ISNA rolls into town.  I didn’t order ISNA for dinner – pick-up or delivery.  If I had wanted to go to a conference I would booked tickets to Chicago, it would be like a family vacation, but not ISNA in my town.

Now I have to load up, halt work, stop networking, deadlines all around we, to drive, park, metro, parking lots, conference food or the nearby restaurant (China Town), then drive, unpark, metro it home to do it all over again, or rent a hotel as if I am going somewhere and taking a vacation-which I am not…..taking a vacation to downtown DC, subhannallah, I live here!

And to top it all off, it’s the July 4th weekend.  Free fire works on the Potomac (in some families like mine – a tradition).  If I spoke like this I could say, “For crying out loud, how is it ISNA weekend  in DC?”.

Well it is and I think you owe it to your family and friends to show up, at least for Saturday and then you’re hooked.  After you see so many friends and like-family folks.  In the crowd just like Mecca.  Seeing the Muslims in their finest hour walking nobly down the street eating ice cream or just walking.  To see just how well we are feeling in America….not just doing, but feeling validated by our own presence. Wow or Subhannallah!

All that and I still didn’t say anything about the lectures, workshops and seminars….that’s because I didn’t want to take my wife and kids to the bazaar.  My wife and I believe that these events like a mini-hajj have had a powerful effect on the positive socialization and worldview our children.

Come to ISNA.  You and your family will remember it for years to come.  Check me out at ISNA.

As-Salaamu alaikum,

Imam Johari

Attending ISNA Conference: Imam Johari

As-Salaamu alaikum:

This July 4th weekend The Islamic Society of North America will hosts its annual conference in Washington, DC.  If you are attending and want to catch up with me…here are some places you might find me.

I will be sending up some Blog-signals from the meeting.  Have a great weekend.

Stonewall Inn, Homophobia and Islamophobia

As-Salaamu ‘alaikum,

The day of the recent shooting at the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC I commented that we denounce this “racist, sexist, anti-semitic and homophobic” act of violence perpetrated against the guards at the museum.  The shooter was a self-proclaimed “White Supremacist”.  A few days after my comment an unknown individual sent me an SMS,”What Does Homophobia have to do with interfaith?”.  I was going to just let it go as one of those comments that people make and you just let go.  But on the 40th anniversary of the police raids on the Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village, Manhattan, NY, I am compelled to share the connections.

I think that most people who were racist in the 60’s were probably sexist, and a person who is racist and sexist is more likely to be anti-semitic, and a racist, sexist, anti-semitic is probably homophobic and from my nearly 53 years in America I am pretty sure that if you are a racist, sexist, anti-semitic and homophobic…….I would put down good money that you are definitely Islamophobic!

Stonewall Inn Greenwich Village

Why am I so sure, because if someone has that going on really they just a bigot.  The White Supremacist is just anti-anybody that is not him, he is looking for somebody to lynch.  If they can’t find a Black to lynch they will abuse women, when they can’t find them well a semite means non-white, so they will do, well it a White Male Thing – so homosexuals will hang just as well as a Black and the “Sand Nig…..r” is just another kind of Black or semite so away we go.

So to answer the question what does this have to do with interfaith….Martin Luther King reminds us…’injustice anywhere is a treat to justice everywhere’.  I am not a homosexual or a promoter of homosexuality.  I am a Muslim, I am for justice, I am not for raiding bars and beating up people and my first priority is to serve God (~Allah), not my sexuality and to establish justice among people.

Check out my lecture on Islam and Homosexuality – delivered at George Washington University

Michael Jackson Reportedly Will Be Buried in Muslim Traditions

As-Salaamu alaikum,

I just got the link to this story.  I am glad to here the news, although it has been reported Michael Jackson will have a view of the body – which is not an Islamic tradition.  Please stay tuned.

Check this link:  http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/00025411.html

A source close to the Jacksons has exclusively revealed to X17 Online that family will likely have a traditional Muslim burial for late Michael Jackson. “The family is considering following the Muslim burial traditions because they believe Michael would have wanted to be laid to rest in keeping with his new-found religious beliefs,” says the source.

“Michael’s brother Jermaine is educating the family as to the special rites because he feels it’s important to bury his brother according to the Muslim way,” adds the source. Despite earlier reports that both public and private memorial services for the late music performer have been set to be held this week, there has been no official confirmation just yet from Michael’s family on the location where his body will be laid to rest.

Michael Jackson was reported converting to Islam in late 2008, years after expressing his interest to join the faith. He later on changed his name into “Mikaeel”, which was meant as a reference to the name of one of Allah’s angels.

In Muslim burial, per X17 Online, someone’s body “has to be cleaned, but ideally not embalmed, and wrapped in a white sheet, and it must be buried facing Mecca. The Koran also dictates that the body be buried as close to the place of death and as soon after death as possible. There should be no tombstone near the grave.”

Michael Jackson and Jermaine: A Part of Muslim History in America

Muslims have been in America since the rule of Mansa Musa (Timbuktu) and the journey of his brother, AbuBakr II, in 1342.  Muslims have coming to the western hemisphere in waves of migrations, before Columbus, with Columbus as captains were Muslim, Martin Alonzo Pinzon (Captain of the Pinta) and  his brother Vicente Yanex Pinson(captain of the Nina).  Come and visit these extraordinary of the history of Muslims in America.

CSAM’s America’s Islamic Heritage Museum:  See the American Islamic Story June 29th – July 7th At The Historical Society of Washington, DC The exhibit “Forgotten Roots: Muslims in Early America,” highlights America’s Islamic history in a powerful and insightful exhibit. The exhibit validates the Muslim early presence in America from the 1600s to 1900s. Forgotten Roots: Muslims in Early America, will be on display at the Historical Society of Washington, DC at 801 K Street NW, Washington, DC from June 26th – July 7th open to the public 10:00am –5:00pm Monday – Saturday. There will be a daily exhibit discussion June 29th –July 7th from 2:00pm- 3:00pm.

On Friday, June 26 2009 – The Islamic Society of Boston opened its ISB Cultural Center and mosque in Roxbury (the neighborhood of Malcolm X).  Listen to the opening sermon (Khutbah) delivered by Imam Johari Abdul-Malik on Migrations of Muslims to America.

Jermaine and Michael are not the only pop stars of Islam check this out on Wikipedia.

Salaamu alaikum and Much Love!

Imam J.

Imam Siraj wishes to attend the janazah prayer of Michael Jackson

Today, I spoke to with Imam Siraj Wahhaj, the Amir of the Muslim Alliance in North America and one of the most prominent imams in the United States.  Imam Siraj sends his condolences to the family of Michael Jackson and well wishes to his family.

Yesterday, the Imam Siraj completed his last radiation treatment for prostate cancer (cancer 3X higher in African-Americans), yet expressed his eagerness to attend the janazah Muslims funeral service for Michael Jackson whenever it is held he said, “Even if I stand in the back, I want to be there”.

Someone asked me,  “Why are we making a big deal about it!”.  I say we are not making a BIG deal about it.  It is the right of a Muslim to receive condolences and we are doing that by the Prophet’s (pbuh) instruction independent of the faith of the deceased.  The burial of the dead is an obligation upon the living; it is called in Islamic terminology fard kifiyya (collective obligation).   No one can bury himself or herself; the living must bury the dead.

Imam Siraj Wahhaj, Muslim Alliance in North America

Is Michael Jackson a Muslim? Muslim means to follow the way of peace – Salaam=Islam.  To become a Muslim requires 2 steps, one who submits their will to the will of God, is easy to say and believe.  If you were in Bahrain sitting with some Muslims as Michael did!, your brother Jermaine has been a practicing Muslim for years, which he is! and you are asked do you believe in God (One God in Arabic=Allah) and you say YES (Step 1) and then you ask do you believe that God, The Almighty, sent guide and messengers, some that were mentioned in Books and others who are not mentioned and that (Step 2) Muhammad is a prophet?  If the answer is YES, then you are by definition a MUSLIM.  Many of us believe in that statement but don’t think of ourselves as Muslim.  This is because people get caught up in words and labels.  Imam Siraj has shared with me over the years that if someone believes in God and The Prophets including Muhammad, pbuh – leave the rest to God.

The WAY of Islam is not a way of dressing, or the religion of a language or a place of national origin.  There are many people around the world and in America who are “Muslim” who look very different from one another.  Allah- the word for God in Arabic from the scriptures will judge who was a good “Muslim”-follower of God’s way in peace, which was struggling to follow the WAY or who was only giving lip service.  Only God and time will tell………….

Allah says the Holy Qur’an Surat (8) Al-Anfal (Ayat) 53

‘…Allah will never change the condition of a people until they change what is in their (own) souls: and verily Allah is hears and knows all things.’

I’m looking at the man in the mirror…….

I’m asking him to change his ways….

no message could be any clearer….

if you want to make the world a better place

take a look at yourself and make a CHANGE

- Michael Jackson-Man in the Mirror)

Imam Visits Michael Jackson’s Family to Discuss Funeral Arrangements

UPDATE: Many have asked concerning the below. I heard the report on CNN’s Wolf Blitzer’s show “The Situation Room”. He briefly mentioned it during the coverage of Michael Jackson.

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Al-Hamdulillah, CNN reported that the Jackson family is meeting with an imam to make the funeral arrangements for the janazah (Muslim funeral prayer) for Michael Jackson. I pray that Allah will have mercy on his soul and grant the family some privacy as they make the plans for a Muslim funeral. I ask Muslims to reserve their judgement and pray for him and his family. Please send your condolences: http://www.legacy.com/gb2/default.aspx?bookid=5875644172354 .

I pray that Muslims will respond to this loss our brother in every loving way possible. I do not know when and were the prayers will be. I trust that the masjid that Jermaine Jackson attends will handle the prayers and preparation. The West Coast Muslims in LA and Imam Zaid Shaker or Sheikh Hamza are hopefully in the loop? May Allah help them. We have not had a major figure in the pop world pass away before Micheal Jackson. I pray that we will do our best and that Allah will have mercy.show